Bye for now?!

Law school, minahal kita, nag enjoy ako kasi ang dami kong natutunan, ang dami kong naging kaibigan pero sadyang mapaglaro ang tadhana, pasensya na, hindi muna kita kayang ipaglaban ngayon. My health plus my passion are both below 100%. Unfair yun para sa akin kapag nilaban kita ngayon. Basta, magpapahinga muna ako. Gagawin ko muna yung mga bagay na gusto kong gawin. I love you and I will always do! :)

Papa, sorry po for disappointing you, I know you want me to be a lawyer as soon as possible. I love you so much and I want to make you happy pero this is my decision for now. I love you so much pa! I hope that I can make you happy in my own little ways. Thank you for being there for me pati po si mama. Salamat po sa suporta, pagkalinga at pag-intindi.

Sulong pa rin! :)

Habang ang lahat ay online ant nanggagalaiyi kasi hindi ma-access ang FEU portal for the online grades, ako, for the first time ay hindi kinakabahan. Hindi dahil sa alam kong pasado ako sa lahat ng subjects ko kung hindi dahil alam ko na ang dapat kong gawin bago matapos ang taon na ito.

Lalaban pa sana ako kung nakikisama ang kalusugan ko pero tama na, ayoko ng abusuhin ang brain cells ko, baka maubos ng sobrang aga,

Oo, sinusumpa ko ang migraine ko kasi ang dami kong hindi nagagawa dahil dito. Lalo na nung umatake pa ito nung finals week, mas nawalan na talaga ako ng gana. My seizures were so disturbing and I feel like bursting in pain. 

Noong highschool hanggang college ako, I was under medication. My neurologist, after almost 5 years of treatment finally told me and my mom, "graduate ka na!". Tuwang tuwa si mama noon hindi tulad noong sinabi sa kanya ng doctor ko nung na-diagnose pa lang ako ng sakit ko. Nakita ko siyang umiiyak, bakit daw pati ako (kasi unang na-diagnose yung pangatlo kong kapatid), the doctor said maybe the genes of mama and papa are not compatible. 

At yun na nga, nung grumaduate na ako sa sakit ko, pati yung kapatid ko, tuwang tuwa kaming lahat. Pero bakit recently sunod-sunod na naman ang seizures ko? Ayoko na magpa ECG at MRI. Natatakot akong malaman na baka bumalik na naman yung sakit ko. It's a curse for me. 

I was an epileptic patient before pero it's not what you imagine na nanginginig at nagba-bubbles yung bibig. Sa akin is mild epilepsy, ang seizure ko is super duper to the highest level na sakit ng ulo. My sister naman is epileptic din, yung sa kanya mas malala pero magaling na rin siya. Bigla na lang siyang hihimatayin then nagvaviolet yung color ng skin pero no bubbles in the mouth pa rin.

So ayun, FYI na rin, hindi lahat ng epileptic ay nagbabubbles ang bibig o nanginginig ang katawa.

As for my next path? Bahala na po si Batman. Chos. Seriously, this time, sana wala ng pressure sa family ko. I want to do things without pressure. Yung kaya lang ng katawan at kalusugan ko. 

Lord, please guide me. To my family, please be patient. <3

I need to be strong!

I can hardly breathe and my feet feels weak.

I cried. I stumbled. I've been so down for quite a while. Silently weeping at night and my heart feels like bursting. Got no one to talk to because I don't feel like doing so. I just wanted to be alone and figure things out. I want to figure out how to move forward despite my feet stucked in the ground.

Mama, Papa, I'm sorry if I'm feeling this way. I shouldn't have felt even a single sign of giving up because of you guys because this is your dream too but I failed. Mama, Papa, I'm not a perfect daughter, I'm hard-headed and stubborn but God knows that I love you so much. Please forgive me if I'll soon make a decision that might hurt you.

I'm just counting the days and I'll condition myself to face my fears. God, please guide me. I've been away from you for quite a time. Hindi ko na ginagawa yung mga dating ginagawa ko para mapakita na mahal ko kayo. Sorry God. Nasaktan lang po ako. This time, I really need you. Please help me to be strong.

I WANNA SHOUT!!!!! :'(

My Dilemna

More than anything else, I would want to see my family happy and proud of me. Now, what am I doing? Maybe, just following what my heart wants.

Malapit na matapos anf sem na ito. Malapit na rin akong magbukas ng bagong pahina sa buhay ko. To be a lawyer--- that's my dream when I was in elementary till highschool. Everyone in my family supported me. Nasa heaven na si lolo at lola, believing that I'm going to pursue that dream. Pero nung grumaduate ako ng college, I want to pursue my degree. Guasto ko na mag work nun. Mom and I fought because of that. So, what I did was to say na lang na "Sige, pag pumasa ako sa law exam, gora, pag hindi, hindi na." Eh, sadyang swerte ako sa mga entrance exams, I passed the law exams in UST, San Beda, and PUP. Nag UST ako, was debarred then I transferred to FEU.

Sabi ko sa parents ko, gusto ko mag law sa Baguio. Siguro kung andun ako, I won't feel this way. Ang sarap g buhay ko dun eh. I graduated on time, without dropped subjects nor failed subjects. No pressure indeed. Eh ngayon, super pressured. I'm 24 and there are so many things that I wanted to do na hindi ko pa nagagawa. :(

I'm quite excited and scared of my  next step. I dunno how to tell my parents and the whole family (who are expecting na I'm gonna be a lawyer) na ayoko na, na I wanna follow what my heart wants.

Wish me luck!!!! I need lots of them!!!

Succession exam was *no comment*!!!

Oh my! Bahala na si Batman- eto yung laging sinasabi ng mga Pilipino whenever they are not sure of what they are doing or they are expecting to fail. Eto ang sinabi ko kanina after my 4-unit exam in Succession.

Law school is not that easy as you think. We fail- it's normal. This time it's different, I'm going to fail without even fighting. Hindi kasi ako nakapag-aral because of my migraine. Ang problema ko since college.

I am willing to give up a dream that was built since I was a kid. My family( not just my immediate family) is expecting a lot from me. Ang hirap ng may expectations. What now? I don't know. For sure, I'm going to fail. That is a 4-unit subject and if I fail that one, I'm outta law school!!

Penge ng chocolates, ice cream, pizza, pasta, SB coffee, lahat ng comfort food!!! :'(

Well, anyway. Recently, I've been depressed. Iyak dito, iyak doon. Gusto ko na kasi mag work. I don't know how to tell my parents that I wanna stop law school and be fully independent. They invested quite a lot in my law career and I can't imagine their anger and disappointment if I already spill what I really want.

Oh well, wish me luck.

Bullying. Who's the victim?!

Who are the bullies?

1. Yung may broken family

2. Yung kulang sa pansin

3. Yung insecure

4. Yung kulang sa pagmamahal at pagkalinga

Who are being bullied?

1. Yung super talino

2. Yung may physical ant mental infirmities

3. Yung sobrang mabait

4. Yung mahina

Konti lang yan sa mga nabanggit sa napanood ko. I forgot the others. surriii naman.

Sabi doon, hindi lang biktima yung binu-bully kundi pati yung nambubully kasi may rason kung bakit nila ginagawa yun. Marahil problema sa pamilya, etc. Andyan ang DSWD para sa mga proyekto o training para sa psychological growth nila. Just saying.. :) DAmi ko kasing kilalang bullies! Lol! :P

Ang Santa-Santitang Bitch...

Mukha niya ay ala santa. Maamo.Di makabasag-pinggan kung tingnan. Ngunit nagkakamali ka. Ugali niya'y mapanuklaw na parang ahas. Kalandian niya'y daig pa ang p*kp*k sa tabi-tabi. In short, mapanglinlang.

Akala mo tagos sa buto ang kabaitan ngunit umiwas ka, baka ka masagasaan. Asawa o jowa mo, pwede ring maagaw ng wala sa oras.

Nakakalungkot at nakakainis lang isipin, bakit may mga ganyang nilalang. Sana wala na lang sila sa earth. Magtayo na lang sila ng bagong community sa outer space. Dun sila nababagay. Mapanira ng buhay. Nakakairita. Sarap lang jombagin at sipain ng malakas palabas ng earth o di kaya'y kung pwede lang i-flush sa toilet tas dun na lang sila sa septic tank forever!

Woah! Kaya no to EPAL all over the world!

JUNK RA 10175!!

A stupid law indeed!Marami pang mga dapat pagtuunan ng pansin. Ang batas na ito ay para lamang sa interes ng mga makapangyarihan. Ipinasa nila ito para maprotektahan ang kanilang pansariling kapakanan at posisyon. Sila lang naman ang makikinabang nito! Mga leche!!